This blog is about one of my long time friend, whom I had met in my earlier days and then lost touch, in fact the remembrance also for a quiet some time till I met I him again in my life in an unexpected time. No wonder we were friends again and even thicker friends than the previous occasion. It is pertinent to mention here that I was not in touch much with the friend who initially was the link in between us.
He was a very soft-spoken, jovial and good hearted friend (still is). He was very good at studies and unlike me a very studious person who used to be the cream of our batch. He was really good at sketches. Even in the diagrams he used to add a personal touch of pencil shades, which when I tried gave me yet another lowest mark in the class. He was very shy towards the opposite sex and I have seldom seen him speaking with the other part of the society. We both happen to be attending a personality development program together which he quit in between. That particular program had a lot of girls, which I suspect is the main reason for him to quit. Long time after the good association in the educational institute, he went in his field of interest while landed in my place, and we tried to stay in touch with each other.
In one such attempt to be in touch, I gave him a call on his mobile. To my surprise I heard a soft murmur of a girl’s voice along with his on the other end. Probably, since my call was from an unknown number somebody seemingly was enquiring who is on the line. I thought that I must be dreaming to hear a whispering female voice along with that of him. Yet I wanted to make sure that I was wrong in hearing so, I began fishing. Just to fish right and tight, I mounted a lot of pressure over him to extract the truth. What I learnt was unimaginable, at least for the friend whom I thought, I knew well.
It was indeed his girl friend’s voice. Nothing stunning, for a male has to settle with a female. I simply could not match the figure of that friend I had in my mind and the one I am having on the phone. Startled. Startled was the word. I was never ever thinking that he would be having such a part in his life. I, as usual, was disappointed with my calculations.
I learned that they were having a steady relation for more than ten years. Guess what, he had proposed the girl when she was in her Tenth standard, and had become a reason for her low marks. Their parents happen to be old time friends and have known each other for quiet a sometime. As a family friend’s son and daughter they both have been dear to the parents but as ‘in-law’, they could not accept. As it turned out to be the parents were not agreeing. Nothing new! But in their case they were not agreeing to each other.
Might be the personal knowledge about each other for a longer time and in the earlier days may have been a reason for refusing each other’s son and daughter as their in-laws. She after having accepted his proposal has been steady with her parents throughout. She very boldly expressed herself in the right time and stood by it. Our friend also, as it turned out to be, kept trying out his own methods of convincing his parents. The tug of war has been for last four years after both got settled up with a job. She was almost ousted from her house and staying in a hostel for the work in different place. Her routine visit to her own home has also not so very pleasant at times. The parents have the best weapon, sentimental torture. Playing with other’s feeling and sentiments to force their way. Her parent has been threatening her of committing suicide, should she try and continue to speak of our friend. This bends few persons while it shapes the good into better person. Shaped into a better person she had resolved that she will marry him, with everyone’s permission. No eloping. Women, when resolve on something, become a strong person and she was strong to stand by her resolution. Surprisingly, our friend who has been trying things from his side in his style had offered to elope with, for which he got lambasted.
After so many years of struggle, things were getting better while one of the relatives of them eloped. Again turmoil and distance in the issue. Interestingly, even when the issue was in full open our friend and she have been visiting each other’s house. If it is in absence of the son or daughter, they have been shown same affection as the earlier days.
Setting things apart, the cause of all the conflict seems to be the EP. BP is curable and controllable while the EP has no end till ‘I’ die. EP is Ego Problem. Some kind of EP. Things are always complicated. When two of my subordinates quarrel with each other, I call them and put them under lot of work pressure together, that they forget each other’s issue and sync together. My organisation has unique solutions for all issues. Unfortunately my organisation is not the way of living for the greater populace of the society. So with the time medicine things get cured.
Recently I met them as 'happily married'. Due to my commitments I happen to have lost the track of their life, which they retracted for me, together. After the eloping episode and the humiliation which that family underwent, there was a long lull period and the parents miscalculated that their son and daughter are back to their control. Unfortunately they got it all wrong and on one fine day the ‘I’ of both parents died they agreed to let their ‘children’ to be happy and to handle their life themselves. I heard that their marriage was postponed twice at last moments and in the third time the marriage took place in a peaceful family function followed by a gala celebration in a hall.
If only the parents had knew their children well the unnecessary humiliation for each other could have been spared. The family would have branched out earlier. After all, it is children’s life which the parents think is ‘their’ responsibility. Yes, it is their responsibility to certain extent. They have the responsibility to grow the children to the stage where the children start ‘thinking’ and ‘deciding’ for themselves. Then is the responsibility of the children to prove that their out of good parents/family and prove that they are worth their salt. If I train somebody and certify that he is good, then I should allow him to prove that he has trained well. Once he is proves, which he would if I certify so, then it is my confidence upon him and me coming true. If the parents have grown me well they should have the confidence that I would not go off the track. It is me who is proving their worthiness my establishing my worthiness.
Moreover the love marriage has its own larger scale advantages. No lectures, but on the very first instance it eradicates the nuances of the caste system in the longer run. It would develop a society full of confident persons. ‘Swayambara’, the older system of marriage had given the right of selecting the life partner to the women. Let us not go an age behind them of forcing a marriage in the name of arranged marriage. Eventually after I die, it is my sons or daughters who have to fend for themselves. Let me not force things upon him for I have to build confidence in him. ‘Give a fish he finishes in a day. Teaching him fishing, he survives ‘his’ life’.
Jun 4, 2011
Jan 28, 2011
One of my friend 2..
This friend I am writing about is an achiever. Nope, achiever doesn't mean that this friend is a World Guinness Record holder or something similar but an achiever of own type. Having one's life diverted from the flowing towards drain to a positive path all by herself is also an achievement, I believe. Few of my friends fall in this category, and they will find a place in my blog subsequently. This particular friend whom I am writing about now is a bit peculiar, that is she is just like us, just like any of us. But the effort she has put in to reset her family's status is commendable.
Life in a small town like mine is very simple. Life is in simple social circles. Life inside these circles are more or less predictable and the circles are almost similar. The friend I am referring to, is a only daughter of a School teacher and a home maker (I like this word). School teacher in my town are so very typical in nature. so as to say, they will have an yellow painted house with maroon borders in 1440 sq ft with in the town limit, own a TVS Champ and ride it in middle of the road at a speed of 30 kmph, subscribe THE HINDU and read up to the phone number of the publisher etc..,. Even the food will be very typical, 5 idlies for break fast, variety meal for lunch and 3 dosas for dinner. Yeah of course, one chutney in morning and with sambhar in the evenings. Weekly trip to Government library, monthly movie, a visit to Aliyar Dam once in two months etc..,. Her dad was no exception, but for his unusual debts.
The debts were not his own but 'bought' out of misplaced trust. Her Dad had few friends who had to 'struggle' for even the next meal and had to take loan and her Dad was the only soul available in the earth for signing surety for their loans. Yeah obviously the struggling friends went into even more struggle. Since these friends struggled and could not pay the debts, for all money was not enough for their own extravaganzas, everything came on her Dad's head. Loans were from institutions as well as from landlords. While the institutions were taking legal routes, the landlords took on to 'gundagiri'. Imagine, your dad being threatened for life right in front of your eyes !!
With the hereditary house being sold out in compulsion for a gap plugging instalment, staying in a rented house in the same town, believe me, is painful. Necessity to stay in the same town for the purpose of job, forced them to live with this pain. Our friend was in high school. Same town, same world but no friends, relatives, well wishers or house. Not having a own house is not painful for there are at least 35% of the Indian Society living on rent, but being forced out of own house and to stay in the same town in a rent house, all because few 'acquittance' betrayed is like hell. Moreover, job was not the only reason to stay in the town, the landlords had threatened not to try to vacate the town without fulfilment of the loans. With a teacher's salary and no one to shoulder, only hope of the family was, our friend.
After the school, our friend joined a reputed Engineering College, for during those years Engineering Degree that too in soft fields (Computer, IT etc..,) is the only salvation in the life. Other than these, your life is otherwise. With a merit seat, our friend was an above average performer. Even with fire in the belly for the family's resurrection, the feelings blossoms. Our friend's heart fell for a class mate. There are a lot of practical problems in marrying a classmate. To state a few, the age problem. Age difference in Indian marriages is mainly with concern to maintain a ratio in the 'maturity' of husband and the wife. Also the time taken for settling down with good job is a big obstacle in marrying a classmate. Thank god, her affair didn't come this far, for it broke inbetween, due to some, god knows, reasons. Some diseases after their effect leaves a positive trail in us, like a jaundice sometimes makes you fair. Similarly our friend had a positive effect out of this ditching, she grew stronger towards her goal. Normally these circumstances may break down anybody, but she proved otherwise.
You lose anything only when you acknowledge that you have lost it. Don't even think or consider that it harmed you. She had this lesson drilled in her and she came out of everything. she came out of the college successfully with a 'First Class with Distinction' grade and joined a MNC. While three of her classmates went for higher studies, only 2 persons of her class got a MNC job including her, out of 63 in the class. At a time when the gold was selling Rs. 800 per gram, she got a pay package of 6 lacs p.a as a starter. Rest of her class had to scorch around for a while for even a job. With the job and her commitment towards the work, she earned, saved everything other than her food, cloth and room and paid off all the debts. Last year, she had fulfilled her second dream of buying a new house in her Mom's name. I had seen the photographs of the house warming function, believe me, people the joy, proud and the satisfaction in the eyes of her parents is worth anything. And more recently she bought a car also.
Buying a house or a car is not a big deal now-a-days, but considering the various circumstances from which she grew, it is, for her. Being a small town girl even selecting the right department in the Engineering college is a challenge. Facing people from different walks of life in the college, surviving in a throat-cut competitive environment for four years and to top everything, a heart break is asking for too much from a feeble person. Remember, everything of these is under the pressure to revive her family's stature. Anybody could have broke down for ever, could have totally shattered out into noughts. but for our friend. Should I read about such a person, even I may not understand the importance of what that person deserves, but believe me people, I have seen her from close quarters, she is a fighter.
Life in a small town like mine is very simple. Life is in simple social circles. Life inside these circles are more or less predictable and the circles are almost similar. The friend I am referring to, is a only daughter of a School teacher and a home maker (I like this word). School teacher in my town are so very typical in nature. so as to say, they will have an yellow painted house with maroon borders in 1440 sq ft with in the town limit, own a TVS Champ and ride it in middle of the road at a speed of 30 kmph, subscribe THE HINDU and read up to the phone number of the publisher etc..,. Even the food will be very typical, 5 idlies for break fast, variety meal for lunch and 3 dosas for dinner. Yeah of course, one chutney in morning and with sambhar in the evenings. Weekly trip to Government library, monthly movie, a visit to Aliyar Dam once in two months etc..,. Her dad was no exception, but for his unusual debts.
The debts were not his own but 'bought' out of misplaced trust. Her Dad had few friends who had to 'struggle' for even the next meal and had to take loan and her Dad was the only soul available in the earth for signing surety for their loans. Yeah obviously the struggling friends went into even more struggle. Since these friends struggled and could not pay the debts, for all money was not enough for their own extravaganzas, everything came on her Dad's head. Loans were from institutions as well as from landlords. While the institutions were taking legal routes, the landlords took on to 'gundagiri'. Imagine, your dad being threatened for life right in front of your eyes !!
With the hereditary house being sold out in compulsion for a gap plugging instalment, staying in a rented house in the same town, believe me, is painful. Necessity to stay in the same town for the purpose of job, forced them to live with this pain. Our friend was in high school. Same town, same world but no friends, relatives, well wishers or house. Not having a own house is not painful for there are at least 35% of the Indian Society living on rent, but being forced out of own house and to stay in the same town in a rent house, all because few 'acquittance' betrayed is like hell. Moreover, job was not the only reason to stay in the town, the landlords had threatened not to try to vacate the town without fulfilment of the loans. With a teacher's salary and no one to shoulder, only hope of the family was, our friend.
After the school, our friend joined a reputed Engineering College, for during those years Engineering Degree that too in soft fields (Computer, IT etc..,) is the only salvation in the life. Other than these, your life is otherwise. With a merit seat, our friend was an above average performer. Even with fire in the belly for the family's resurrection, the feelings blossoms. Our friend's heart fell for a class mate. There are a lot of practical problems in marrying a classmate. To state a few, the age problem. Age difference in Indian marriages is mainly with concern to maintain a ratio in the 'maturity' of husband and the wife. Also the time taken for settling down with good job is a big obstacle in marrying a classmate. Thank god, her affair didn't come this far, for it broke inbetween, due to some, god knows, reasons. Some diseases after their effect leaves a positive trail in us, like a jaundice sometimes makes you fair. Similarly our friend had a positive effect out of this ditching, she grew stronger towards her goal. Normally these circumstances may break down anybody, but she proved otherwise.
You lose anything only when you acknowledge that you have lost it. Don't even think or consider that it harmed you. She had this lesson drilled in her and she came out of everything. she came out of the college successfully with a 'First Class with Distinction' grade and joined a MNC. While three of her classmates went for higher studies, only 2 persons of her class got a MNC job including her, out of 63 in the class. At a time when the gold was selling Rs. 800 per gram, she got a pay package of 6 lacs p.a as a starter. Rest of her class had to scorch around for a while for even a job. With the job and her commitment towards the work, she earned, saved everything other than her food, cloth and room and paid off all the debts. Last year, she had fulfilled her second dream of buying a new house in her Mom's name. I had seen the photographs of the house warming function, believe me, people the joy, proud and the satisfaction in the eyes of her parents is worth anything. And more recently she bought a car also.
Buying a house or a car is not a big deal now-a-days, but considering the various circumstances from which she grew, it is, for her. Being a small town girl even selecting the right department in the Engineering college is a challenge. Facing people from different walks of life in the college, surviving in a throat-cut competitive environment for four years and to top everything, a heart break is asking for too much from a feeble person. Remember, everything of these is under the pressure to revive her family's stature. Anybody could have broke down for ever, could have totally shattered out into noughts. but for our friend. Should I read about such a person, even I may not understand the importance of what that person deserves, but believe me people, I have seen her from close quarters, she is a fighter.
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